I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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