you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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