i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
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Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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