There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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