Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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