Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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