if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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