I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize