I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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