I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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