twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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