I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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