so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize