No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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