so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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