Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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