I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize