I hate your face
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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