last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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