Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
