dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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