also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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