So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize