never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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