drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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