when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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