I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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