is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize