Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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