Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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