can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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