he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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