So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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