brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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