If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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