i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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