I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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