Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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