She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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