had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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