Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize