I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize