I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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