Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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