cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize