2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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