brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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