my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize