Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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