i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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