Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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