I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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